Make your partner no longer afraid of sex toys
Understanding & Overcoming Fears Around Sex Toys
Sex toys can be exciting, but for some, they bring a mix of curiosity and hesitation. Let’s explore common fears and how couples can work through them together for a more adventurous and connected intimate life.
Feeling “Not Enough”
Some worry that bringing a sex toy into the bedroom means they’re not satisfying their partner. But here’s the truth—sex toys aren’t the competition! They’re a teammate. Sexologist Rachel Sommer, PhD, puts it best, “Sex toys are meant to add pleasure, not replace connection.”
Our reader Tom, 34, shared his experience, “When my wife suggested a vibrator, I panicked, thinking I wasn’t good enough. But after talking, I realized it was about exploring something new, together.”
The takeaway? Focus on creating a shared experience, and communicate openly. A little reassurance can go a long way in easing fears and building trust.
Jealousy or Feeling Replaced
Sometimes it’s hard not to think, “What if they end up liking the toy more than me?” Sound familiar? Dr. Sommer offers a fresh perspective, “Think of sex toys as tools for shared pleasure. They bring couples closer by encouraging exploration.”
Lisa, 29, said, “At first, I was worried my partner would prefer it over me. But we made it about teamwork, and now, it’s become a fun way to connect.”
Remember, sex toys aren’t about replacing anyone—they’re like adding sprinkles on your favorite dessert. Delicious on their own, but even better together.
Shaky Communication
No surprise here—good communication makes all the difference. Start with a positive, judgment-free convo. Dr. Sommer suggests, “Explain why you’re interested in trying a sex toy and how it could bring more joy to both of you.”
Active listening is just as important as honest sharing. Figuring out what works for both partners ensures you’re walking this path hand-in-hand.
Breaking Taboo Walls
For some, talking about or using sex toys might clash with cultural beliefs or upbringing. Dr. Sommer encourages gradual exposure and education, “Understanding the benefits of sexual wellness can help shift deep-seated stigmas over time.”
Treat the conversation like planting a seed of curiosity—it won’t bloom overnight, but with care and patience, it will. Discovering new ways to love and connect is always worth it.
The Fear of The Unknown
Anything new can be intimidating! If this resonates, Dr. Sommer advises starting simple, “Ease into it with non-penetrative toys like a massage wand or couple-friendly options. Comfort builds confidence.”
Take baby steps—it’s like dipping your toes in warm water before fully wading in. Every small step will get you closer to a more exciting and fulfilling experience.
Explore Together for Double the Fun
Turn a sex toy purchase into an adventure! “Researching and choosing a toy together can be fun and builds excitement,” says Dr. Sommer.
Abby, 28, loved the experience, “Shopping for a toy together became a bonding moment. We laughed, explored, and felt like we were tackling a new experience as a team.”
This process is like planning your next big vacation—both of you get involved, and it makes the experience twice as enjoyable.
Boundaries are Sexy, Too
Going slow and setting boundaries makes the entire process more comfortable and fun. Dr. Sommer explains, “Offer a safe space and address what feels good or not—it builds trust and keeps both partners enthusiastic.”
Think of it as climbing a hill together—step by step, you conquer new heights, enjoying every moment of the climb and the breathtaking views from the top.
Knowledge is Empowering
Don’t know where to begin? Start by learning about different toys and their purposes. Dr. Sommer emphasizes, “Knowledge takes away the fear. When you understand how things work, they become less intimidating and more exciting.”
Knowing your options turns uncertainty into anticipation. It’s like reading a recipe before cooking—you suddenly feel ready to whip up something amazing!
It’s All About Pleasure Together
Reframe the conversation to focus on enhancing shared pleasure. “It’s not about competition; it’s about adding tools to deepen intimacy and connection,” Dr. Sommer reminds us.
When viewed as a partnership rather than a replacement, sex toys can feel like discovering a new spice to enhance an already amazing dish. Who doesn’t love more flavor?
The Bottom Line
Exploring sex toys as a couple is about connection, communication, and shared discovery. With open hearts and minds, you can turn concerns into opportunities for growth, intimacy, and excitement—and maybe have a little fun along the way.
How do you feel about sharing these conversations with a partner? Or what advice would you give someone new to this experience? Share your thoughts below!